Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me

Why doesn’t my mom love me? Growing up with my mother was a constant battle. I thought, “My mom doesn’t love me” for many years.

Her behavior towards my siblings and me was utterly repulsive. My mom chose to favor her sexually abusive husband, who was a pedophile, over her children.

At the age of fourteen, my father took off into the woods and tried to commit suicide. Perhaps he was ashamed of his actions or feared what would happen to him in prison.

I’m not sure since no one talked about what happened in our home. Our parents left us children in the dark regarding his actions and everything else.

My father had finally been caught sexually abusing his daughters. Mom knew about his abusive actions for many years. I showed her one-day firsthand what he was doing. Mom chose not to protect her children, and she walked away.

I became furious and hateful towards her from that moment forward. The constant battle to push her into doing the right things in life for her children had begun.

I remember going to mom’s house with my two kids to ask for her help. I needed a place to say, to get away from my husband’s abuse. Once again, my mom chose to shut the door on me and walked away for good.

I spent years feeling unloved and unwanted by her. She seemed like a cold woman without a heart or any compassion for my sufferings. I thought, “My mom doesn’t love me.”

However, that wasn’t the truth.

Discovering the Truth

I discovered the truth about mom and love twenty-five years later.

That’s when I realized that mom was just like me!

I didn’t know that mom had endured abuse as a child. Mom kept secrets from her children and everyone else too. She didn’t acknowledge or deal with what happened to her as a child.

I didn’t understand that she lived with a sexually abusive man who was her only source of income. Mom didn’t have the knowledge, strength or the means within herself to love anyone, including herself.

Distorted View of Love

I came to realize I had a distorted view of love for many years.

I thought love was an emotional feeling that you felt inside. Mom never expressed feelings of love towards her children. I thought love was receiving sexual pleasure from a partner. That’s what our father showed us love was growing up.

These distorted views of love came from living in a dysfunctional family. They came from my parents who chose not to walk in the light of Christ and to follow the Word of God.

What is Love?

Love is an act of selfless giving that requires an ability to carry through.

When a person doesn’t have the capacity to complete the activity of love successfully, on a continuous basis, that person is not able to give or receive love from anyone.

God is Love

The Lord, Jesus Christ is the greatest example of love ever given to humanity. God gave his son Jesus to die for our sins out of love for us so that we may have everlasting life.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV

Jesus died on the cross for our sins, knowing he may never receive our love back in return. I can’t begin to imagine how Jesus felt in his heart when he died for us. He was rejected, disliked, hated, misunderstood, and despised all without a cause.

Jesus still lay down his life out of love for us.

Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 KJV

Love is a selfless act of giving to others, and when a person lives in darkness, they lack the ability to love. They can’t comprehend what genuine love is for God is love.

Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me?

My mom didn’t have the ability to give her children a proper home environment. She couldn’t carry through with the actions of love on a continuous basis because she was downtrodden herself.

At the time, my mom was living in darkness with fear and in adverse conditions.

She was in an oppressed state of mind for years.

Mom didn’t have the strength or ability to reach out for help.

Mom couldn’t help herself, and so she couldn’t give me a hand either.

I can understand and have sympathy and forgiveness for mom’s actions today.

Having endured the same circumstances as her for many years. Not have the ability to give my two children a proper home environment. Living in fear of an abusive husband, with an oppressed state of mind for many years. Not having the ability to help or love myself, I couldn’t help or love my children either.

When my daughter and I finally meet for the first time in over twenty years. I was living in darkness and didn’t have a supportive man to assist me with life’s struggles. And was carrying the burdens of raising two other children alone.

Not reaching back out to her because of fear. Being fearful her father would find and kill me. And letting fear consume me, ruined the chance to reconnect.

Do you feel unloved by a parent?

I hope this blog post will help you understand why a parent might not have the ability to love you. I pray you to come to know what genuine love is for God is love.

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11 thoughts on “Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me

  1. Linda, I’ll try to share a brief comment about this matter with you and your readers. A lot of us human beings grow up with ineffective concepts and experiences of love, because most parents are imperfect lovers and teachers regarding this matter. Love is basically an attitude of caring for and sharing with others that produces a bonding relationship that is deeper and more permanent than just a momentary emotion of a good feeling that comes from one’s circumstances of being comfortable or happy.

    We human beings cannot really understand what love is or experience its transforming blessing apart from our personal relationship with Jesus. John, the apostle whom Jesus “loved” and who wrote a lot about love in his letters, says “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). I invite you and your readers to read each of his letters toward the end of the New Testament and to read my statement about love on my website at Love . I think that they will greatly expand and enrich your understanding of love. May God continue to bless you as one of his loving disciples.

    1. Bob, Thank you for sharing your insights into this subject of love. Also for sharing a link to your valuable teachings on love. It helps to understand what love is according to the word of God. God Bless, Linda

  2. Okay the first comment was out of anger. I love you so much mom I appreciate what you have done for me and my brother by giving us to my grandmother. I just turned thirty and thought of you on my birthday wondering if you were thinking of me. I do not talk to my father and I understand the fear of him because I lived in it as well for many years. I am still willing to reconnect just please trust that it is me and you. Your grandson is beautiful please contact me. I love you

    1. Brey, I’m thankful that you found the Blog and me. I understand your anger on the other post and don’t blame you for being angry, you should be mad as hell. You can post your thoughts open and freely on anything on this Blog. I understand and will not run back into the darkness out of fear again. I can only hope that this Blog and the Book that is being written for you and has been sent to you, will help you understand “why” and enable you to begin healing. I was never given a chance to show you a mother’s love so many years ago. I hope this Blog and the Book will bless you as it was written with love for you. It was the one thing I could do for you to show you a mother’s love. I wanted to take responsibility for my actions and the pain you have endured. I’m able to do that by the grace of God through this Blog and the Book.

      I didn’t want you to be near 50 years old and still living with hatred in your heart and to not understand why and what happened. My mom passed away before I fully understood everything from the past. I have a chance to help you understand so you can begin healing old wounds.

      I thank you for being willing to give me another chance, a chance I don’t deserve. I sent you an email message with the unfinished book for you to read. It’s taken me several years to come this far out of the darkness and to move beyond living in fear. It took me two years to get on Facebook and to use my full real name. In time you will come to fully understand the past hurts. I won’t go into detail’s further on this post. We can connect soon and talk in private after you have a chance to read the Blog and Book. If you would like to write Blog posts about anything let me know. I will create an account for you to do that. Blogging has helped me move past the fear by putting myself out in the open and the Lord has used this to help me heal old wounds.

      Thank you for opening your heart up to loving me. You’re beautiful and loved beyond measure. I will show you a Mother’s love and no one will stop me now for the Lord is my strength. I love you too.

  3. LInda,
    I so honor you for having the courage and strength to open yourself up and share your story. I pray that your efforts are the catalyst that your and your daughter both need to come together and heal the past so that you can both go forward and experience the love that you both deserve!

    1. Joe, Thank you for your continuous guidance and support in helping me to understand men and true love. I shall never forget your Quote “Take Some Mirror Time” as it has helped me reflect back over the past and allowed the light of Christ to heal me. I give all praise to the Lord for he is worthy to be praised. Amen! Linda

  4. this is the first time I am seeing your response back to me. I was at Sue Blanchards and I read that. I was close to going down on my knees with the knowledge that you are for mother and I am you. I love my son and I thank you for allowing me to see that love through your eye. I am at a loss of words to explain how I feel right now. I am thankful for the second chance. I am thankful to know that just because you were not around me I still received the greatest gift from you; to write,to be honest and open with your feelings througj words. Also the new love we will build through trust. And for giving me to somebody that you knew would love and who would be open for me and you to have a love. I am really interested in to see how you love without it being sexual because I have a very hard time with that myself that is why I say I am you and you are your mother

    1. Breyann, I praise the Lord for the chance to be open and honest with my feelings through words. He guided me to do this and I simply listened and followed him. The reward was YOU! I’m blessed to have a loving and forgiving daughter.

      The Lord has blessed you with these words. Words of hope for a love built on trust. Your correct in saying that love is built on trust. Our children deserve the best we have to give them in life. Even if that best comes at a later time in life. A parents job is to make sure that their child is safe from harm and has a bright future. I have been given the chance to help you overcome the past, as I have done and that is a blessing from the Lord. I’m happy to know that you love and cherish your son.

      I have written a blog post to help answer your question. You can find it at How to Love a Man Without Being Sexual. I hope it helps you. Lot’s of love. Linda

  5. Okay you said almost 3 years ago you would not run into the darkness again and you are. I have leanred i do not need you no more. I have always been my grandmothers daughter. You have helped me realize to not live in the past because i do not want to end up like you. thanks for allowing me to learn from your mistakes.

    1. I’m in the light for the world to see here. I don’t want to be in the public eye. I would rather be inside my shell for comfort. I must share how to overcome the adversities (sin) in life. To write the narrative God has given me. To help others understand His redeeming love. I’m thankful you are your grandmothers daughter. Living in a home with domestic violence is an awful thing for anyone to suffer. I would give my life for you. I’ll always be here on this blog. You can find me anytime.

    2. When I view things through the eyes of God’s grace and mercy, I think, yes we were estranged from one another. And yes, awful things happened to all of us. However, God never abandoned you, your brother, or myself.

      He kept each one of us in his loving hands. In Church, among believers, to learn His Word and built a new foundation for life. He gives us a new life free of pain and anguish.

      We only need to accept His gift of grace by faith. And in time, He will restore our lives. His restoration might look different than what you wish for or expect to happen too.

      I see how God has broken the chains of sin, encompassing the lives of everyone involved. Walking by faith, trusting in Him broke the patterns of dysfunction once instilled by childhood trauma, turmoil, and anguish. It’s challenging to let go of the past, and emotional wounds take time to heal.

      Living in darkness is inevitable, but walking in the light of Christ is a personal choice. I’ve learned to walk by faith and trust in God’s redeeming love always. I wish nothing more than the same for you and everyone who reads this blog.

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