As you may know, I started writing on Tumblr to release the anguish of abuse—all the pain buried for years.
At first, the memories came in bits and pieces—scattered reflections of childhood, broken relationships, and living in fear. The more I wrote, the more memories spilled onto the page, as tears flowed for the first time from a deep emotional place.
One day, I created a Word document titled “Abused Me and God” and started writing scattered memories. I wish I could find the original file to reflect on. I think it’s on a CD, and my computer doesn’t have a CD Drive.
Anyway, this was my first attempt to put the bits and pieces—the remnants of my story—into words. To let them out of a heart filled with bitterness and deep emotional anguish. To stop pretending I was over the past, when in fact the past was still shaping my life, and I couldn’t run from myself.
I had to sit still long enough to face my thoughts, to ruminate on the childhood adversities, the abandonment, the pain of domestic violence, and the devastating loss of my two children.
I had to illuminate the darkness to understand the broken foundation, mend the broken pieces, and gather the remnants to move forward.
I called the process writing a memoir and eventually settled on the title The Secret Darkness: Overcoming Abuse and Finding Freedom.
I dedicated the memoir to my estranged daughter.
I didn’t want her to be nearly 50 years old, still going through hardships, not understanding how deeply the past affects your life.
I wanted to take responsibility for the pain my actions caused her and to help her understand the truth; I loved and wanted her, but adversity got in the way.
Unpacking memories and processing heartfelt emotions took time. As the memories resurfaced, the truth emerged slowly, and the story deepened over time. Some memories were not ready to surface and took a few years to come to light.
I kept writing and changing blogs, pressing forward as my mindset shifted and the healing journey continued in a new landscape. What started as scattered memories eventually became a memoir.
Finishing the memoir means the scattered pieces have come together, the fractured foundation is understood, and the heartfelt emotional wounds have begun to mend.
The Secret Darkness tells the story of a woman who survived abuse, buried the pain for decades, and slowly uncovered how deeply the past shaped her life. Through reflection, truth-telling, and faith, the remnants of that hidden darkness were finally brought into the light.
The self-published memoir will be available for purchase in the coming months. Please check back on this post for more details.
L.M. CARLETON, Rescued by Grace
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