Why doesn’t my mom love me? Growing up with my mother was a constant battle. For many years, I thought, “My mom doesn’t love me.”
Her behavior towards my siblings and me was utterly repulsive. My mom chose to favor her sexually abusive husband, who was a pedophile, over her children.
At the age of fourteen, my father took off into the woods and tried to commit suicide. Perhaps he was ashamed of his actions or feared what would happen in prison.
I’m unsure since no one talked about what happened in our home. Our parents left us children in the dark regarding his actions and everything else.
My father had finally been caught sexually abusing his daughters. Mom knew about his abusive actions for many years. I showed her one-day firsthand what he was doing. Mom chose not to protect her children, and she walked away.
I became furious and hateful towards her from that moment forward. The constant battle to push her to do the right things for her children had begun.
I remember going to Mom’s house with my two kids to ask for her help. I needed a place to stay, to get away from my husband’s abuse. Once again, my mom chose to shut the door on me and walked away for good.
I spent years feeling unloved and unwanted by her. She seemed like a cold woman without a heart or compassion for my sufferings. I thought, “My mom doesn’t love me.”
However, that wasn’t the truth.
Discovering the Truth
I discovered the truth about mom and love twenty-five years later.
That’s when I realized that Mom was just like me!
I didn’t know that mom had endured abuse as a child. Mom kept secrets from her children and everyone else, too. She didn’t acknowledge or deal with what happened to her as a child.
I didn’t understand that she lived with a sexually abusive man who was her only source of income. Mom didn’t have the knowledge, strength, or means to love anyone, including herself.
Distorted View of Love
I realized I had a distorted view of love for many years.
I thought love was an emotional feeling that you felt inside. Mom never expressed feelings of love towards her children. I thought love was receiving sexual pleasure from a partner. That’s what our father showed us when we were growing up.
These distorted views of love came from living in a dysfunctional family. They came from my parents, who chose not to walk in Christ’s light and follow the Word of God.
What is Love?
Love is an act of selfless giving that requires an ability to carry through.
When a person cannot continuously complete the activity of love, that person cannot give or receive love from anyone.
God is Love
The Lord Jesus Christ is love given to humanity. God gave his son Jesus to die for our sins out of love for us so that we may have everlasting life.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV
Jesus died on the cross for our sins, knowing he may never receive our love back in return. I can’t imagine how Jesus felt in his heart being rejected, disliked, hated, misunderstood, and despised without cause when he died for us.
Jesus still lay down his life out of love for us.
Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 KJV
Love is a selfless act of giving to others, and when people live in darkness, they cannot love. They can’t comprehend genuine love, for God is love.
Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me?
My mom couldn’t give her children a proper home environment. She couldn’t continuously carry through with the actions of love because she was downtrodden.
At the time, my mom was living in darkness with fear and in adverse conditions.
She was in an oppressed state of mind for years.
Mom didn’t have the strength or ability to reach out for help.
Mom couldn’t help herself and couldn’t give me a hand either.
I can understand and have sympathy and forgiveness for Mom’s actions today.
Having endured the same circumstances as her for many years. Not have the ability to give my two children a proper home environment. Living in fear of an abusive husband, with an oppressed state of mind for many years. Not being able to help or love myself, I couldn’t help or love my children either.
My daughter and I finally met for the first time in over twenty years. I was living in darkness and didn’t have a supportive man to assist me with life’s struggles. And was carrying the burden of raising two other children alone.
Not reaching back out to her because of fear. I was fearful her father would find and kill me. And letting fear consume me ruined the chance to reconnect.
Do you feel unloved by a parent?
I hope this blog post will help you understand why a parent might not be able to love you. I pray you to come to know what genuine love is for God is love.
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