As flawed humans, we avoid forgiveness and reconciliation like the plague. We are reluctant to forgive offenders of wrongdoing and fear admitting a bad mistake, poor decisions, or judgment.
Mainly when your choices cause others pain and anguish.
Their judgment can be harsh and opinions downright demoralizing. Their reaction can lower your spirits and leave you in a more downtrodden and oppressed state.
Like the plague, it’s easier to avoid forgiveness and reconciliation.
To forgo letting go of past hurts. And taking personal responsibility for your actions or any part you have played in offending others.
But is it better for you in the long run?
NO!
No, it’s not better.
Related Post: Forgiveness: Let Go of Anger, Bitterness and Grudges
The Effects of Avoiding Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Avoiding forgiveness and reconciliation leaves room for the adversary, the devil, or Satan, to start spiritual warfare in your mind and heart.
And his attacks will permeate your mind and spirit with overwhelming feelings of grief and sorrow and thoughts of guilt and shame.
He will remind you of all the wrong things you did to others. Drive home the reasons for feeling guilty. And drag you down into the pit of personal shame.
The devil will make you believe you are not worthy of forgiveness. That reconciliation is not possible. And that is a BIG FAT LIE.
Avoiding Forgiveness and Reconciliation
I was a master at avoiding forgiveness and reconciliation for twenty-two years. Even though, on several occasions, God made a way for me to forgive and reconcile with my mother and daughter.
I remember visiting Mom when my youngest was around eight years old.
She welcomed us into her home and immediately pointed to several pictures adorning her mantle. She then began sharing her stories about who the people were and where the photos were taken.
At the time, I didn’t understand that Mom was “finally” opening up and showing us (me and my sister) a glimpse of her life. She had found peace with her past and happiness in her life and wanted to share it with us.
Meanwhile, I was still stewing in the resentment of her past actions. I was livid; she failed even to acknowledge the last grandchild I had given her. I walked outside with a heart full of anger and bitterness and was unwilling to forgive and reconcile our differences.
Second Chance at Forgiveness and Reconciliation
God provided a way for me to seek forgiveness and reconcile with my daughter. Not once, but twice. The first time, I was living in the darkness of sin. Although twenty-plus years passed by, I still lived in fear of her father finding and killing me.
My relationship was not built on a steady foundation. I was the do-it-all girlfriend and mother to two other children. Shortly afterward, we moved to another town, and the connection was broken.
The second time was through my former blog, The Lord is Calling. God was still leading me to forgiveness and reconciliation. He was making a way for healing, not only for me but also for my daughter and others.
Related Post: Why Doesn’t My Mom Love Me?
You guessed it!
Once again, I let the darkness encompass my mind with thoughts of the past. I could see my past life, the conflicts, and the heartache and pain afflicting her life. It was like looking into a dark and painful mirror.
My heart ached for her struggles and pain. I couldn’t fix things for her. I couldn’t go back in time and protect her. Help her avoid making poor choices and decisions. Even though I knew the outcome would be pain and sorrow.
Learning of all the milestones and celebrations in her life was excruciating. And to hear the piercing words, “No, be a mom.” I wailed back in anger, “I would never be the mother I wanted to be and that she needed growing up.”
My heart could feel the sharp knife as it made numerous invisible cuts. And the pierce of sin’s torment permeated my mind. I let the devil win by running back into the darkness to hide away – something I never wanted to do again.
That was almost a year ago.
Reconciliation Requires Two
These personal experiences taught me that forgiveness is one-sided and reconciliation requires two.
To find genuine healing, you must be willing to forgive. Forgiveness requires acknowledging, letting go of, and stopping holding onto the past.
Forgiveness can be freely given by one or the other. But reconciliation is never one-sided, and sometimes, one or the other person is not ready, willing, or able to reconcile.
To achieve a successful reconciliation, both people must be ready, willing, and able to settle their differences.
Psychology Today: Forgiveness vs Reconciliation
Forgiveness
Reestablishing a harmonious balance through forgiveness is necessary for you to live an abundant life. Without forgiveness, you can’t move forward in life.
You become trapped in a cycle of dark despair and defeat. And the overwhelming feelings of personal shame shackle and bind you in the darkness with fear. And without forgiveness, you are lost in the darkness, without the light of Christ.
Through the blood of Jesus Christ, we have the forgiveness of sins by the riches of God’s grace. When a person has genuine repentance for the forgiveness of sins and turns their heart to God, He is willing to forgive (wipe out) and reconcile them to Himself.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you can go back in time and fix things. Nor does it imply that you are responsible for how other people think, feel, or what they do in life.
Forgiveness is an act of God’s grace and unconditional love. Without forgiveness, reconciliation is impossible. And the unwillingness to forgive others can doom you forever, too.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6: 14-15 KJV
Read “20 Healing Bible Verses About Forgiveness” on Bible Study Tools to learn more about forgiveness.
Moving Forward in Life
I don’t want to stay stuck in the darkness of sin. To be shackled to the sins of the past. To live as a victim of abuse and sin continuously.
I’m moving forward in life.
Beyond the survivor mode.
I’m walking in the light of Christ, living the truth of His word daily to the best of my abilities. I have forgiven everyone who has offended or harmed me in any way, and I ask forgiveness from anyone who was hurt by my poor choices and actions in life.
I desire the best life God has designed for me. Whatever direction He leads me in is the direction I want to travel. I pray you will choose to forgive others and follow in His footsteps.