Parental rejection is difficult for a child to understand, and the effects of a parent’s rejection can be long-term. Perhaps my story will help others to understand their own parent’s rejection.
My Story of Parental Rejection
As a child and young adult, I could never understand why my mother rejected me and never showed her love towards me. She always seemed distant, callous, and cold-hearted.
She locked us children out of the house until late afternoon in the summer months. Her children were a bother to her.
Often, I acted in anger at her lack of protection and love. She stopped doing her job. I resented her actions or lack thereof, and a deep hatred for her grew in my heart.
I began using hatred as a coping mechanism to ease the pain of feeling unloved. It was easier to feel hatred than to acknowledge the pain of rejection.
Parental Rejection Passed on to Children
At eighteen, I gave birth to my first child, Anthony, and her rejection passed on to him, too.
One day, we were both doing laundry on opposite sides of the Laundromat. Anthony, who was several months old, was sitting in a stroller.
I went to ask, “don’t you even want to look at your grandson?”
My heart broke at her final act of rejection.
She never looked down or acknowledged his presence. She never came to check on me, helped me, and rejected her grandson. Her rejection of him sealed my heart with hatred until the day she died.
She became a thorn in my heart.
My mother was the one I could not forgive easily.
Why?
She was my mother.
Moms should love their children.
Moms should protect them from harm.
I loved her deeply. I desperately wanted a mother’s love, but she only pushed it away.
Understanding Parental Rejection
My mother’s lack of love and rejection affected me greatly. I searched in vain for love and acceptance throughout my adult life. I learned to build up hatred in my heart when hurt or rejected and push attempts of love away.
The problem was;
I didn’t know about her struggles with childhood adversity and spousal abuse in adult life.
I didn’t understand her emotional pain and anguish until after her death. My mother kept her past a secret and never dared to disclose the stories, grieving her heart.
My mother spent most of her life “seemingly” pushing love away.
Today, I understand by the grace of God.
My mother was not in a healthy place to love. She never did the internal work necessary to overcome adversity and live an abundant life.
I’m blessed to know that God has always loved me and never forsaken me. His love cleansed my heart of hatred, enabling me to forgive my mother and others for their wrongdoings.
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