Closing reflection for Abuse Journal.
I registered Abuse Journal on October 5th, 2020, nearly six years ago, to illuminate the darkness and empower survivors to live abundant lives.
My background as a self-taught website developer strongly influenced the blog’s direction.
Outwardly, it was a journal for other survivors; inwardly, it became a place to confront the darkness through personal reflection openly.
My father always said not to tell your business in public. I learned to keep secrets early, not to name the abuse or uncover buried truths.
For 46 years, the fear of the public eye and others discovering my darkest pain followed me everywhere. I learned to survive, but the heavy emotional weight of guilt and shame became an unbearable burden.
This journal became my quiet place to release and reflect on painful memories and try to make sense of them through the eyes of faith.
I didn’t understand that the entries or blog posts were bits and pieces, remnants of the past, brought out of the darkness into the light. That insight and wisdom gained were essential to the healing journey.
My Story, The Secret Darkness: Overcoming Abuse and Finding Freedom
My memoir, The Secret Darkness, was also part of the truth-telling journey. I thought it was three-quarters finished and left untouched for a long stretch of time.
But suddenly, I realized some of the bits and pieces, or remnants, posted belonged in my story too.
I guess that’s what happens when you are trying to come to terms with the past and make sense of everything.
Your thoughts scatter, and you have to work a little harder to piece them back together.
My writing mentor, Jerry Jenkins, said, ” All writing is rewriting, trust the process.”
My time in the Jerry Jenkins Writers Guild was tremendously helpful. Thank You, Jerry!
Taking a creative break helped me connect to the love of nature I enjoyed so much as a child.
It explains why I created Crafters Journal.com, which looks just like Abuse Journal. To explore my love of crafting nature-inspired jewelry, junk journals, and upcycled decor, and to share handmade journals that reflect the beauty of nature—the beauty I missed so much during those years of adversity.
Healing truly is a journey with good days and bad ones, too. At times, you go forward in awareness, become more joyful, and take steps back to anxiety and sorrow.
I’ve learned the best thing to do is take it slow.
Learn to express your thoughts freely, find happiness in hobbies you love, and forgive yourself when things go wrong. I always try to remember, God loves me flaws and all.
I’ve made it this far by faith.
I’m happy to say the memoir, The Secret Darkness: Overcoming Abuse and Finding Freedom, is finished after ten years. I still have a few final steps before self-publishing.
The book is not a long read, and might not be perfect, but it is my story, my truth, and my journey out of darkness into the light.
It has taken ten years, but that does not mean the healing journey is over.
Abuse Journal documented the journey through the darkness.
This journal witnessed an important season of my life.
I plan to keep Abuse Journal online and will return to read the journal entries on occasion as a reminder. I do not plan to post here.
I’ve learned healing is not about forgetting the past, but learning to live beyond it.
You’re welcome to visit my new writing journal, The Remnants Journal, as it goes live in the coming weeks.
L.M. CARLETON, Rescued by Grace
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